So I was thinking...

Before I begin I must warn you I am under the influences of some natural substances, herbal remedies u may call them.

So it occurs to me, I must have some serious insecurities. It’s the only way I can explain why I’m often inexplicably nice to people, including some who don’t deserve it. I think it must be under some need to feel liked or maybe even needed. Must be some twisted version of ‘man syndrome’ a term made up by smiles which I think helps this situation. I’m trying to pinpoint the origin of this version of me and I can’t quite figure it out, if I’d always been this way or evolved into it. Not that there’s anything wrong with being nice but I think when u start doing it to your detriment then there’s something wrong. It’s actually possible to be too considerate or too accommodating. I’ll have to work on that.

By the way I’m off to New York on Saturday for a week. I’m not actually sure I should have booked the trip due to some new development. I’ll actually only be spending about 3 days in NY will be driving down to Delaware and Philly to see some family which I’m really looking forward to. The NY part of the trip was suppose to be cool too but I guess I’ve never really liked NY for a good reason. That one is kind of a long story.

By the way I’m still LOVING LA. Watched a very inspiring movie the other day at the LA Film festival that’s now a constant reminder of what you can do with sheer hard work and talent. I’m still not sure what exactly I wanna do after I leave film school though. It’s funny I’ve always pretty much had a plan for exactly what I wanted to do but just realized they’re so far ahead I hadn’t filled in the immediate future in any of them. Ideally I think I wanna do some music videos for a while to raise some money to do my documentary that I might have told some of you about. Otherwise the pay for flash developers seems to be going up so I might carry on doing that for a while to save some money but as off now I’m still not certain. But I can see myself in the middle of some tribe in Africa 60 miles from any tarred road trying to figure out how I’ll charge the camera after my last battery dies and being ecstatic about what I’m capturing.

By the way things seem to have ended with Elle. I refused to help her out when she asked for it the last time and she’s stopped talking to me I guess. Well her phone has been cut off and she hasn’t made any effort to call. I actually think it’s partly my fault. See I’m nice as I said before but I think when I really feel like given enough I’m able to be quite bluntly stop. I actually like her friendship it’s a shame she doesn’t feel like we can be friends if I’m not helping her out, guess that says a lot. I hope it all works out for her, she’s a better person than I initially gave her credit for. We had some genuinely good moments.

I met a few cool people last week too. One’s like a goofy version of tigs in some ways it’s hilarious. They look nothing alike though some similar character traits I could spot that cracked me up. No way a replacement for you though tigs! That would be impossible. Hung out with her and a guy I’m, convinced is gay who was also pretty darn funny and intelligent. Also met some chick from Cameroon I was supposed to have known as a child although neither of us remembers hanging out as children. She could actually end up being a pretty cool person to hang out with if she didn’t live like 90miles away. A little far to go for a ‘Soy Latte’ I don’t know what is it but I love a latte with soy milk it’s the shit no sugar or anything. U all have to try one, someone buy Vegas one too I can’t see that negro buying one :o)

I should probably head to bed, it’s almost 2am, I’ll probably end up on the phone calling London anyway. It’s weird I saw Nas and Dave Chapelle today in different places. I swear I got a little giddy when I saw Chapelle though, he was chatting with some hot chick so didn’t wanna getting in his face. Seriously dull evening though, was suppose to hang out with smiles but that got canceled. Watched 3 crappy movies instead ‘Welcome home ruscoe Jenkins’, ‘10,000 BC’ and ‘Oceans 13’ ok the last one wasn’t as bad but just felt a little too familiar.

That’s all for now folks

Peas & Love

B